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TOPIC: Wedding minhogim

Wedding minhogim 17 Mar 2008 07:36 #169

According to Minhog Ashkenaz does the Chosson wear a Sargenes under the Chuppoh?

Does the Kalloh circle the Chosson at all, or does she circle either 3 or 7 times?

Are there any wedding minhogim, that we might not be aware of, [for example; a tallis covering both the Chosson and Kalloh, an outside wedding and throwing the glass onto a special stone to break it] in regard to the chassunoh?

Is the kalloh required to wear to cover her hair immediately after the yichud room and before the seudoh?

Shalom,

Rallis
Minhag Avoseinu Torah Hee!
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Wedding minhogim 19 Mar 2008 17:49 #186

  • Michael
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According to Minhag Ashkenaz the Chosson does not wear a sargenes (kittel) under the Chuppa, and the Kallah does not go around the Chosson at all.
The wedding minhogim are brought at length in MMA's site (click on this link)

Michael
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Wedding minhogim 31 Mar 2008 20:16 #219

  • Michael
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Covering the head was done before the wedding. This was the minhag, and Rav Breuer and Rav Schwab also strongly advised to do so.

Michael FRBSH
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Wedding minhogim 02 Apr 2008 20:43 #223

In a couple we're very close with the husband's family is "echt yekkish" while the wife's is proudly chasidish (in fact, "rebbish"). Rav Schwab zatzal was their mesader kidushin. The wife's parents asked that the Chosson will wear a sargenes (under a coat) and that the Kalloh will go around 7 times; Rav Schwab allowed that. They faced away from the people, and wore a talis. There was a speech under the chupah (not the norm in the US) and "Shir Hamaalos."
As far as head covering - the Chassidim are makpid that a kallah go to her chupah with her own hair. Rav Schwab allowed the Kalloh to wear her own hair, but insisted that her head piece should not only be a veil, but rather more like a hat, and that she had to wear it when she went into the men's dancing. The Kalloh also had to wear a hat to go home from the wedding (she generally prefers not to wear a sheitel, and usually covers her hair with a hat or scarf).
Rav Schwab DID tell them that shalom as a foundation of the wedding was more important to him than the specific minhag.

golusyekke
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Wedding minhogim 03 Apr 2008 06:20 #225

  • Daniel
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This is exactly the problem and exactly the point. If we compromise on all of our minhogim for shalom bayis or whatever other reasons we will have no more minhogim! This is exactly what has been happening and is why there are a few people, R’ Hamburger Shlita and others, who need to reestablish all of our sacred minhogim (not to mention the very important work of R' Friedman and this site)! The first minhogim to go are the minhogim concerning weddings which seem almost non-existent today. Mention the chupas mein and you will get bizarre looks and comments. When one gets married, the wife is supposed to take on the minhogim of the husbands family and really should have no say at all in which minhagim will or will not take place at the wedding. I hope, when I get married, B”H, to marry someone who cares about my minhogim!
Finally, where does R’ Schwab say this? Is it in writing? I am under the impression that R’ Schwab was extremely supportive of R’ Hamburgers’ work.
Respectfully,
Daniel
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Wedding minhogim 03 Apr 2008 06:34 #226

  • Michael
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All of Rav Hamburger's work follows Rav Schwab's instructions.
When building a new house - Sholom is the most important foundation. Of course it is expected that the wife follows the husband's minhogim, but this cannot be done by force. Although some people will use Sholom as an excuse to abandon all of the minhogim, an "Odom Godol" (like HaRav Schwab ZTL) would be the one to know when to give in and on what to make sure has to be done in any case. The posuk says "Veha'emes vehasholom aheivu", one should love the truth and the peace - first of all stick to the truth and try to do everything properly, but it is very important also to stick to the peace. Since practicing some minhogim can cause a major crisis to the other family - it is important to walk between the drops in this case.

Just an example - in our Kehilla the son of one of our very important Gabo'im married into a very very Litvish family, and although after the wedding it was obvious they would follow the husband's minhogim - Rav Hamburger himself told the choson that in case the other family is very much opposed to some of the minhogim he should not do them in the wedding, so there won't be a break in the family (but everything that could be done was done).

Michael
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Wedding minhogim 20 Feb 2013 02:44 #2236

I am often asked about all kinds of wedding minhogim but rarely about the Kallah covering her hair. To me this does not make sense at all since to those who require it, not doing so, would involve issurim (such as saying blessings in front of uncovered hair), beyond just not keeping Minhogim.

. The German Minhag is definitely for the Kallah to cover her hair (at least after Yichud and preferably the whole wedding).
. The prevailing (but far from universal) non-German, non-Chasidic, minhag in the USA is for the hair to be uncovered even after Yichud.
. Most Poskim favor the former minhag as a matter of Halachah (and I was told the Roshei Yeshiva of Yehivas Chofetz Chaim, Kew Gardens Hills, will not be Mesader Kiddushin if the hair is intended to be uncovered at the wedding).
. Some Poskin pasken Lekula (I heard for instance Rav Reuven Feinstein probably following his father) in accordance with the prevailing Minhag.
. Rav Breuer’s son-in-law told me that the Rav, ZT”L, would not attend the Wedding Seudoh if the hair was uncovered (regardless of what she intended to do the next day). Others have remarked that the Rav would point out in his Seudoh speech that this Kallah is wearing the crown of Tzniyus.

Note that in many wedding pictures from about 100 years ago including not yet observant and even non-Jewish weddings, the bride kept on her headdress with the veil no longer in her face but still present on her head even after the ceremony. Thus much more hair was covered, than the Kallahs do nowadays after the Chuppah, if they are not wearing the Scheitel.
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